How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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