we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We just shotgunned beers for America
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
