Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
