You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
