WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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