you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
