i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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