i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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