I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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