So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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