i think my tv is drunk
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
