super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
