you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
