There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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