did you get engaged???
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
