Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
