I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
