Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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