Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
