I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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