Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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