Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Randomize
