today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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