Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it because I queefed?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
