Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
