i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
