My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
