I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
