The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
