Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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