just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
