Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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