This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
