Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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