Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
