Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
