you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
