remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
