WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
