Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
