I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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