She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
