..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
