Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
