Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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