I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
