Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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