At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
