I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
