oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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