yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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