KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
